Thursday, September 6, 2012

Spanking? What about it?

This is always a controversial topic - at what point do you spank a child and then teach them/parent them to be non-violent? This falls in the realm of "do as I say, not as I do" leadership.
I'm not opposed to spanking. Never have been. BUT, and here's the big BUTT, I'm against physical abuse of any kind, and especially of bullying. (Keep in mind the title of this blog).
My observation and personal experience is that parents resort to spanking when they have run out of options, or patience, for parenting and coaching. It takes MUCH MUCH more patience and creativity to come up with a discipline that is effective, than it does to swat a bottom. In essence, it is lazy.
Same thing, I believe, for the word "No". Seeing a child do something and just shouting from across the room, or from the couch, "No", when the best and most effective method would be to just get up and offer alternatives to the child - a "YES" choice.
It is interesting to note, though, that as we get to be adults, we begin to take classes on negotiation, or business, that invoke the idea of getting to yes, or win-win situations, etc. This is counter to the "No" "No" "No" parenting style. Just say "Yes", and then let's figure out how or what we can say yes to!
Just a thought, or two...

Monday, July 30, 2012

One of the things I've recently observed/discovered about kids is how much they mimic/repeat what they see and hear. Now, my kids are older - 8 & 10. However, when I do not speak kindly to my wife, or to the kids, or if I fail to be an example of patience (!!!), I see my kids begin to demonstrate that, too.
It is especially apparent when they come in contact with those younger than they are. I describe this as verbal bullying. What I've observed, in myself and especially on the athletic field, is that both coaches and parents bully their kids around, without even realizing it! "Do it because I said so!"
This is manifest in the form of just saying "No" to a request, or a simple disagreement that warrants discussion. Why not learn to just say "Yes" and then figure out how to get it done. Safety issues, notwithstanding of course.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Wow, what a great season of Coach Pitch baseball (7-8 year olds). Last night was our last game, and we celebrated in style, with the only boy yet to get a hit all season getting a hit in his final at-bat, on the final pitch! THAT was very exciting! We have been encouraging him all season, and instructing, and teaching, and working with him. It all came to fruition on his last at-bat. THAT is very exciting!
Encouragement has to be specific, and personal. Just telling someone that they are awesome, or special... really lacks authenticity. Be specific. They will remember it, and be able to put it to use when they really need it!
That is what we did with this player - he has a great swing, and fast. He just had to connect with the ball to get a hit. And...
on his last at-bat...
with the last pitch of the year...
he got it.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I love you, no matter what...

I just love being a part of my family. Even when they are not, they are awesome.
One of the traditions we've done almost every night with our kids was taken from a scene in Andy Andrews' "Seven Decisions for Success" DVD. In it, Andy relates how each night, with his boys, he asks how their heart is, and then tells them how much he loves them.

Our own routine involves us telling our kids "I love you, always and forever, no matter what". Nowadays, we say the first portion of the phrase, and they will repeat the last phrase "no matter what". Pretty cool...

Several items to note:
1) it is "I" love you, not the proverbial, non-committal "we";
2) "always" - in every way, and every day;
3) "forever", linking our loving parenthood to their heavenly father; and
4) "no matter what" - because, like Jesus, no matter what our kids do or say, we love them.

That is not to say that we always LIKE the things they say or do. That is not the case. But, we will always love them - and that is our choice, too. Our kids are amazing, and I know you would enjoy their company, too!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Just started this blog to capture my ideas, thoughts, observations about this topic - Parenting With Encouragement. I hope you like the posts I post. I want to encourage you to parent your kids - from infant through the end of  your parenting life (when you die!) - with positive words and actions that infuse them with the nature of our heavenly Father, and the grace and mercy that he has given us.

Thanks for checking this out,
John